Posted by: Jonjon | August 26, 2009

August 25 2009 Tired so did not do much


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Man woke up a bit tired today, and remained tired through the whole day

I think it was because I ate those coconut shortbread cookies, like I have been eating them for 3 days, like 2-3 shortbreads a day. I can’t believe how much it is affecting my system. For the first time in a year…..*I think this is what heaps of butter does to your system* my sinus problem came back *but disappeared after stopping the intake* and like my nostrils are uncomfortable, and my back aches…perhaps of the burden I put on my kidneys…..so today I’ve been pretty tired. I think also too..because I’ve been eating roasted nuts in the mornings. Everytime I finish eating those, roasted macadamias and cashews, perhaps about a handful, my body health decreases. I will try to eat only cashews next time and see if the same thing happens.

Anyways, the boringness these days have just been making me want to eat.

Today nothing much happened. It was raining, so I ditched the idea of going to do voluntary work at hari Krishna. So I spent most of my day in the library, just reading comic books, magazines, and “the divine plan”

Wow…out of all the books that I’ve read, the divine plan really contains more truth than other books. The thing that I found out is that……my heart never really resonated with much religions, because they never really showed the truth as direct as I wanted them to, and there will always be a figure that they workship..i.e jesus or buddah, rather than seeing them as being teachers of the same group that wants to push people forward and heal people.

But from the book, I finally found a figure that I wanted to worship. It is the sun. This was what my heart was looking for. The body is the universe. The heart is the giver of love and life and light to the body. The Sun is a bigger heart, and it is the giver of love and life and light to the universe. And there is the sun’s sun, and sun’s sun’s sun, etc, which then at the final end is the source. So to me, I see the sun as god….metaphorically speaking.

Also in the book, one thing resonated with me was also that….most mystic schools in the past has been experimental. Like right now…the group that I am with …is pretty much experimental. I mean…….some of us like just ran away in our last incarnation, and this time more force was applied to bring us together *despite that 5 of the students are still not back yet….*…..like this all to me is just experimental. And I feel that I’m been experimented on. To see if without a physical teacher, but with a purpose to be on the heart path, the spirits wants to see how far I can go by myself, and eventually..perhaps make me realize that I can only go so far…and that is when my teacher will come back.

Anyways…..I did press about this question to my teacher once…and he nearly gave in to agreeing with me that it is quite experimental….I guess….despite being omni-all seeing hearing etc…the spirits are still thinking and changing their ways to help mankind, which really, I am very grateful for. But my arrogance……..like ….I have already thought of several methods to help mankind….but I don’t know…I don’t have much trust in myself, so maybe I’m just imagining all of this and my method won’t work as well. I don’t know…I’ll see

Anyways, today when I came back home after going to the library. I saw this icecream place, newy opened and full of people. The ice cream store was called giappo. I couldn’t be bothered dwelling in fear …as to how to order…snce I have no idea how the system works. So I just went in and the lady was like …..what do you want?  I said takeaway. And then she said…1 litre>?

I was like 1 litre???? No!! I want like an icecream cone…something…I don’t know how it works

Then eventually she got me to test taste some flavors. I really liked the hazelnut but I thought it was too original so I got her to give me 6 more tests before I finally purchased two….of the ones that I haven’t tasted. I felt like I was giving her trouble..but I did say many times that I can’t be bothered and I’ll just go with whatever buts she insisted me to test-taste the ice creams. By the way…..in terms of health, ice creams are the worst things. But because I got so thirsty in the library, and my head was quite hot from reading all the materials from books and using the computer, that I just needed some refreshments. It was 7$ for two scoops in a little cup. WOW that was expensive!!!!

Anyways….Mr T got sick…and he’s worried because he has to wear braces again. Apparently he has sinus problems, and there’s no cure, just like me. I told him to change his health, but I doubt he’d do it

And Mrs E has been vomiting, and caught the flu. …I mean…I could help them to prevent these diseases…but they don’t have the level of awareness yet to listen to me so I rather not make them hate me. But she has a restless mind…and really needs to rest……. Like she can’t stop doing things….she’ll kill herself if she has nothing to do. Which is kinda like most of us anyways..but she’s a workaholic which makes this habit even more damaging to her health.

So afterwards…

Oh by the way, I learnt that if you cook kumara longer, and slower, it will become sweeter, because the starch will slowly turn into maltose and that is 1/3 as sweet as sugar, which is sweet enough for people anyways

By the way, also had a long talk with Mr T last night. Apparently he’s going to meet with a millionaire tomorrow to talk about his business of buying the motel in New Plymouth. Apparently he flew all the way from US just to meet him, and wow…..so I was quite proud of Mr T. Mr T said again that he will offer me a job position. But instead of saying yes….like…I don’t know…..I just can’t help downplaying myself. I said I’ll apply if there will be a position then…because I don’t want to impose it on him. But really…next time if he says that….I should say thanks…because maybe he won’t be pressured ….because people always break promises all the time anyways. It’s me who has problems not being able to break promises so I guess that’s why I always feel obligated to do things after I promise people to do them

But I don’t know….I have a feeling that all of this is too good to be true. Like …..my next step is just to wait until Mr T buys the business? Which is in 2 months? So I’m supposed to do nothing in these 2 months? I mean……there are many jobs that I applied that I felt that suited me 100%…..but because as a result of always waiting for their reply, I lost a lot of time searching for other jobs. Is my learning…..to stop caring about whether or not other people will reply and just keep on searching for a job that I like? Or is it trusting myself and do nothing and eventually Mr T will give me a job? I really have no idea.. My heart has an idea though….it is telling me to wait…maybe I should just wait. And it’s telling me that I don’t need to go and do voluntary job. Infact…my foot is telling me not to go. Because the verucca…I don’t know ….I feel like it’s getting worse because it’s not getting better

Yeah….so should I wait and do nothing or not? I mean….my mind tells me that the best way to go about this is to just keep on searching for jobs……but not in a way that it makes me unhappy. I should relax, keep  on searching for jobs that I like. The process will allow me to understand the options that I have in terms of jobs that are offered in this world, ..and also help me to understand what kind of jobs I like…..like understanding about my likes and dislikes , about who I am.

And if my heart is right….the spirits will block all of my applications, and eventually in 2 months time, I will either be with mr T, or my teacher will contact me to tell me that the teaching is about to begin, so everything will work out fine.

Worst case scenario. In two months time if I don’t get a job, I’ll have to return home, find someone to replace me in order to pay the left over 2 months rent. This isn’t so bad…I don’t mind returning home really. ….but ……I rather be out and about.

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