Posted by: Jonjon | December 12, 2008

Anger


Everyone will have experienced some form/degree of anger in their life. Anger is part of your learning.
Holding onto anger is halting progress, whilst letting go of anger is making progress. Destructive anger is different from constructive anger. Destructive anger is an emotion that damages your health, it is the result of allowing your emotions to control and overwhelm you. Constructive anger however is not. It is a controlled state of emotion that one utlilises to be assertive, to be passionate, to create boundaries. This post will mainly be talking about destructive anger.

In order to let go of anger, one must be familiar with this emotion. Anger differs from person to person. Some people may get angry at some things that others don’t get angry at. However, most people are clueless as to what kind of situation will set them off, and most people too are unaware of the presence of anger when it finally surfaces.

Anger thus is a reaction. A reaction of not been able to accept the way things are. It happens when things don’t go the way you want, and you want to change the situation to the way you want it be.

In order to understand anger, one must know himself very very well. Anger can happen at the same time as the situation that triggers it. This sort of anger is easier to deal with. The second sort of anger is a harder one. This type of anger happens “after” the situation has passed. The latter usually happens when one is not in tune with his feelings, so he feels nothing until his subconscious suddenly clicks one day and realises that it should be angry at something that has happened a while ago. This form of anger is the most dangerous. It is like a time-bomb, constantly brewing itself until a series of situation triggers its explosion. It can’t be dealt with as it is hidden from view, but can be found and dealt with if one raises his self-awareness.

I’m sure everyone has encountered a situation where someone says something to you, and you felt nothing at that point in time. And one day, your mind clicks, and thinks twice about what that person said. If you are lucky, you become angry and with a degree of awareness you may discover the situation that triggers it and eventually deal with it. But usually people just become angry without being aware of anything.

Thus, a person who is “reactive” or “sensitive” has a better chance of dealing with anger than someone who is always “nice and willing to sacrifice himself all the time” “a model bachelor because he is a guy who will let any girl trample over him”
No one in this world is obliged to sacrifice his happiness for another or to supress his own emotions in order to please the other. If someone is convinced by society/parents/etc that these kind of actions… such as always sacrificing oneself to please another is a virtue, then his emotions will eventually become numb, and he will grow out of touch with his own emotions. It may take years for someone like this to recover, to find his true-self again.

In terms of genders. females tend to be more open than men, and express their own emotions more freely. This is not to say that they will move faster in terms of learning than men. This is to say that if by some sort of a miracle, they finally realise that they may have a “problem”, then they can work on the problem straight away. Men on the other hand…may have to undergo a sort of a period…kinda like “feminisation” to get them to be more open about their feelings first.

Anyways, by working on your self-awareness, you may find that you may grow more emotional and reactive…..like a woman. This is progress!. You are just becoming more in tune with your emotions. We are not raising our awareness in order to become numb to emotions. We are raising our awareness in order to grow closer and to become more familiar with our own emotions, so we can detect them and deal with them whenever they arise. It helps this learning by being more open about your feelings.

It is actually quite easy to let go of anger. The hardest part is to make the decision to do so, and to understand that there is no need for it to come back. If you have a big ego, then you are in trouble. The ego will convince you that if you let go of anger, you are not loving yourself enough by not attempting to change the situation.
But this is ironic, because you are not loving yourself at the point when you decide to hold onto anger. Anger can cause many disease, and usually when you hold onto anger, it gets worse.

Imagination is also a fuel for anger. Holding onto anger will get you to imagine things that has not even happened yet. If something has not happened yet, don’t be angry about it. Don’t dwell in the past or worry about the future; focus on the present.

So in order to deal with anger, we need to.

1. Be in tune with your emotions so you can detect anger as it surfaces.
2. Don’t supress it. Supressing anger is not a virtue. Open your heart and feel it, understand it.
3. There is no need to start swearing and slashing out at people once you become in tune with your emotions. Understand that this is part of your learning, and try to find ways to discover why “you” are reacting in this way. Perhaps the cause stems from family, childhood experiences. Find out the reason why you cannot accept the situation or the person.
4. Understand the causes of anger and let it go. It will most likely to come back. However, each time it returns, it will grow less and less potent and more superficial. You see, the root cause of the anger lies beneath many layers. Even though the reason for the anger may be the same, by constantly working on ourselves, we will get closer to the core. It is only by increasing your awareness of the cause, that allows the final release of the anger.
5. We are on earth with many learnings to deal with. So…. it is very probable that once you release a particular anger, there will be others in the queue waiting for you to be dealt with. This is good, as you are finally making progress. The good news is that once you start, you can finish it, and enjoy the rest of your life.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: